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Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child The Heart of Parenting
Download Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child The Heart of Parenting
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Product details
Paperback: 240 pages
Publisher: Simon & Schuster; 1 edition (August 12, 1998)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0684838656
ISBN-13: 978-0684838656
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 0.6 x 8.5 inches
Shipping Weight: 7.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.6 out of 5 stars
218 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#3,114 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Fabulous book. The five steps are insightful and very much useful. My wife used them immediately after reading the book, with our granddaughter, and it worked like a charm.The key point is to see feelings as opportunities for relationship with your child, not as intrusions into your day or interruptions or encumbrances. Yes, this takes a very developed person to see this, and a disciplined person, but aren't healthy relationships what we want for our children? To identify that the child has a strong emotion, to see this as an opportunity to relate to the child, to express to the child that you identify her feeling and help the child name the feeling, and to join with the child in finding a healthy response to the emotion, with limit setting when needed, works. The child feels witnessed, rather than isolated with criticism, rejection, or judgment. Our grand- toddler wasn't ready to fall asleep on her stroller ride, and my wife could identify Millie's strong resistance to her stroller nap. Millie's emotion did not relent into sleep, uncharacteristically, so my wife realized it was an opportunity to relate to Millie and see what was up. Once out of the stroller, wife and granddaughter talked about how Millie wanted out of the stroller and wasn't quite ready to relax. Millie pushed the stroller herself, and gazed around at some foliage, having a sweet time with grandma. Grandma discussed with her that in a few minutes she would be tired and then she could rest. After a few more minutes, Millie gazed longingly at the stroller, grandma put her back in, and Millie promptly fell asleep. All involved felt close and loved, with no power plays. needed.
This book has changed how I parent. For me it’s not just about how to interpret a child’s actions and frustrations but more importantly my own. My own upbringing meant I never learned how to properly recognise emotions, label them, understand them and ultimately be in a position of self control. This book has for the most part help resolve a lot of that and means that the cycle between generations can be broken. When you sit down to read this book be prepared for a lot of self reflection and introspection. To understand your children you’ll need to understand yourself first. A fantastic read.
I started reading this book to improve my parenting skills but also found it to be extremely useful for gaining insight into my own emotional intelligence and in gaining skills for conflict resolution in my marriage.Other self-help books that I've read in the past led me to extreme approaches to try and resolve conflict ("No More Mr Nice Guy"), but this book really got to the core of the disapproving/dismissive environment I was raised in and helped me to realize that being nice is a good thing in conflict situations, and the nice thing to do is to not shutdown feelings (my own or feelings of others) and help emotion coach them during important moments of conflict. There are some really good quotes that helped debunk my own "being nice doesn't get me what I want" delusion, I somehow was equating being nice as enabling others and being walked on but as I read this book I started to see the importance of embracing the feelings of others, no matter how intense they are.This has been probably the best parenting/marriage/personal development book I've ever read.
...and I've read a lot in this vein about the important role of empathetic, responsive parenting, the need to connect before you correct, etc. But this book is by far the best. I like that he uses his own research and that of others to back up all of his recommendations. I like that he coins the term emotion coaching to describe what we are trying to do and that he breaks it into clear steps. I like that he addresses the challenges to emotion coaching that we might encounter in real life, like when you are trying to get to an appointment on time and can't take the time to emotion coach at that moment. I really appreciated that unlike some of the other advice out there he says consequences are fine as long as they are done sensitively and within the emotion coaching context (this was big for us, we tried no consequences for so long with our first son, but by age four there were times when he just needed the very firm boundary of a consequence, a logical one whenever possible). Until I read this book I was beginning to think that responsive, empathetic parenting was perhaps just too hard, but he spells it out so that's it's totally achievable. I can't say enough good stuff about this book, just read it, I don't think you'll regret it.
A must read for future parents/caregivers. The book presents high values that every parent should have. The given information is outstanding and the ideas are so deep. The book is written in an egaging style so it doesn't get boring and it structured very well and easy to understand. Raising a child is the most responsible job we can get in our life and it's better be done damn good. I wish that every future parent would take a few years of reading literature regarding parenthood and this should be the book on the top of your list.
The book does a good job of providing a framework for helping children grow emotionally in healthy ways, with good examples, broken into phases, and the right caveats. Accepting that it is not a one size fits all solution, this book also focuses on appropriate times and approaches to the method, with good examples of when not to emotion coach.
This book has helped so much with both my children and my own emotional control. I've gone from being at wits-end not having a clue what to do, to having internal support and emotional problem-solving skills. Highly recommend for EVERY parent/child care giver.
A very helpful book on creating a strong bond with your child through empathy and understanding. Also great for helping your child identify and understand their emotions, as well as problem-solve. However, there could be more on how to help your child express emotions in healthy ways, and on setting limits. This is a great book if accompanied with other parenting techniques, such as firm limits and consistency.
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